4.6 based on 11 reviews


  1. Joe Biden says:

    Glubba, hubba gubba, schmunky schmunk fart🥸. Goobla hoobla, fooba booba.💩🧑‍🌾 Schminker, luh schminker, luh binky?

    Goob Cracker, Yakub

  2. Mr. and Mrs. Garrian, I regret to inform you that your daughter, Royal Princess Madeleine, whom you may know as Aaron, has been expelled permanently from East Greenwich High School. I would prefer if you both could come into my office so that we could discuss this in full. Until then, I will give you a brief synopsis of his misdeeds. The primary issue, as you are surely aware, is his/her inability to contain their urine. I don’t know if you’ve spoken to a doctor or health professional about this, but his bladder control is worse than that of a newborn child. He can’t go one class period without urinating on himself and nearby classmates. This wouldn’t be a massive issue, considering that we are a very accommodating school, if it weren’t for the fact that he refuses to use the school facilities. He insists on being allowed to urinate in his own clothing at his own volition. Once again, this could be amenable if the student would simply agree to wear some form of adult diaper. This too, he refutes, and whenever such a measure is inquired upon, he lashes out by stripping nude and assailing his nearest peer. This level of misbehavior and clear disregard for authority will not be tolerated at our school, a center for learning. Truthfully, I do hope only the best for your son, but this place is simply not fit for a youth of his caliber. A daycare would probably be more fitting, maybe a mental hospital. Regardless, I hope to see you in person as soon as possible so that we can sort this whole mess out and decide what’s best for Aaron moving forward.

    Graciously, Principal Mendelsohn

  3. I would like to declare my newest client, Mr. Shark, completely innocent of these wild accusations. It is absolutely unfathomable why a certain Mr. Garrian would even conceive of such absurd and unnecessary defamations against an innocent creature. Our team will promptly sue this man for libel, and I am immediately filing for divorce. He can have full custody of our son Aaron though, because he is a little wee-wee sissy who can’t hold his bladder.

  4. The Shark says:

    Let me start by establishing that the claims of sexual assault pressed against me are false, and I categorically deny each and every allegation made by a Mr. Gregory Garrian. What this man fails to tell you is that prior to the events he mentions in his comment, he had repeatedly offered me mind-altering substances, and grew angry when I refused. I can only presume that this was with the intention of coaxing me to perform at his will. I have contacted my lawyers and look forward to clearing up this whole mess and returning to my normal life. See you in court bucko.

    Sincerely, The Shark

  5. My dearest, most loveliest Tanya, I hope that this message finds you in good spirits. As you are now well aware, I have been stranded at sea for 38 days in the middle of the Indian Ocean on a blue plastic canoe with only a cellphone and a WiFi Tower. I have lost 40 pounds of bodyweight, and am struggling to catch enough fish to satiate my hunger. For the first week or two, a day without fish was a disappointment. Now, every morsel of food I can collect is a precious and treasured gift. As for water, I have been filtering the briny saltwater using a ramshackle contraption constructed with nothing but a defective blender and a pair of Timberlands. A few days ago a massive shipping tanker passed me by only a few hundred feet away, but the men aboard could not hear my desperate cries, and since then I have been alone and totally isolated. I miss the warm, loving, though urine-soaked embrace of my beautiful son Aaron, and it tears me apart that I couldn’t be there to see his dance recital last weekend. I hope that my absence hasn’t affected his happiness too much, and I hope that you will all be able to make it without me. As I write to you, a ginormous shark is circling around me, it has been following me for a fortnight now. I have a growing suspicion that the shark is not after me for my flesh and nutritional value, but my overwhelming sex appeal. You see, there was a moment in time where I lost all hope and, shamefully so, I thrust myself into the water with the hopes that the shark would end my suffering. To my unfortunate surprise, I awoke aboard my humble canoe to this giant shark caressing my bare chest with its fins. I immediately catapulted it from on top of me, but can’t shake the terrifying, yet intriguing sensation that the creature provided me. Anyway, please tell my son that I love him, even though he wants to prance around in a frilly pink dress and demands that I refer to him as “Royal Princess Madeleine.” In the 16 years since you first bore our son(?) into the world, I have never appreciated, missed, and desired his(?) presence more than I have as I float aimlessly through a stark sea of blue. I know if he(?) were with me right now, he(?) would transform the world into a vibrant, joyous hue of yellow in more ways than one. I don’t know if I will make it home to you. If I do, I’m not sure how long it will take.

  6. Mom, I have a confession to make; I diddled in my pants. I urinated all over the floor. I peed, I pissed, I farted and I screamed. There is no hope for recuperation, all I can ask for is your forgiveness and assistance in cleaning up the yellow-stained mess I made. Bye mommy, I love you.

    -Your little Fiddler on the Roof, Aaron

  7. I adore Tanya Garrian, I stan Tanya Garrian. If Tanya Garrian has a million followers, I am one of them. If Tanya Garrian has one follower, that person is me. If Tanya Garrian had no followers, I would not exist. When I inhale, I inhale the essence of Tanya Garrian. When I exhale, I am releasing her spirit back into the world. My sole purpose from the day I was born was to worship Tanya Garrian, and if she were ever to perish, my life would have no meaning. Every day of the week, every second of every minute, I dream of Tanya Garrian. If someone were to use Tanya Garrian’s name in vain, they are now my number one enemy. Every person, object, or circumstance that blocks my connection with Tanya Garrian is an obstacle that must be eliminated immediately. All my time, resources, and mental energy are entirely dedicated to Tanya Garrian.

  8. Gabrielle says:

    A judge that carefully looks at the medical and cognitive records. If any are missing, she will find it. My mother has been very ill for ten years, but was denied even at an ALG hearing. I just would like to sincerely Thank you for being a righteous judge who weighs in past and present evidence and will go even beyond that! Keep up the great work fighting for those who truly are disabled!

  9. Sandra says:

    Thank you so much for hearing me and my life been better since receiving my Ssdi god bless took me while to write review for u but well deserved ❤️ God bless

  10. Emilianys R. says:

    I just want to take the time & thank Miss Judge Tanya Garrian for taking the time to view my case & hear me out, Also understanding me when I was very nervous & scared at my hearing. Without your help I wouldn’t be moving forward with my life with the help that I been needing for years, You have made a big change in my life & for that I thank you !!! Much love to you Miss Garrian. ❤

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